And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Randomize
