Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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