Your dad touched me again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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