Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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