he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
