I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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