theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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