I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
