How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
