I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
