So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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