I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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