Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
