worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
