I'm going to jail i love you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
