Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
