I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A+ Viking dick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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