I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
