you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
