new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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