I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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