I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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