so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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