he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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