my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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