U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize