can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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