put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if only i could text you this smell
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
