We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
