I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
