I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
