I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
