Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
