don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize