I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
