Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
