Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
