Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
