: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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