I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
