So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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