Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
