Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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