the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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