Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
