there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
