will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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