How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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