for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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