and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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