i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
