Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
