i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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