i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
