What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
