She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
