I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
