Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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