I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
