she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
