What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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