i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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