I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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