i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize