Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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