somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Porn is love you can see.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
