Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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