I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
