Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just gargled with NyQuil
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
