I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
