I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
