my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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