I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
