Cold hands, warm shart.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
