So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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