Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
