Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
