he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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