I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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