yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize