lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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