I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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