Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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