PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
