I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
