I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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