And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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