I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
