I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
