I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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