My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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